The Courtesy Flush

oh my goodness. I just HAVE to go there. let’s just hope that no potential future employer ever comes across this particular entry!

This all started when a friend and I were talking about the joy that is trueofficeconfessions.com, and she mentioned that there seemed to be a lot of poop-related “confessions” on the site. From there, we somehow moved on to the topic of the Courtesy Flush, only as it turns out, we disagreed about the definition (or rather, the rationale for performing said endeavor).

You see, my friend believes that the Courtesy Flush is all about masking the noise, while I have always been of the belief that the goal is to hide the odor. (apparently, $hit starts to stink when it’s exposed to air, so the less time it spends in the air, the less it stinks. I’m just telling you what I’ve heard!)

I figured it would be fun to open this question up to more people, maybe even take a poll and post it on both of our blogs . . . so I started to do some research . . .

and WOW. there are apparently a LOT of people who are VERY interested in the Courtesy Flush in general, and the etiquette/challenges of pooping at work in particular. As someone who has worked in an office where there were “rules” about which stalls were and were not acceptable places to poop (right. as if I always had the ability to know that was coming BEFORE I chose a stall?! I think not!), I thought I had seen, heard, and (unfortunately) smelled it all . . . but as it turns out, I had only, um, splashed the surface . . .

Consider the following:

• Urbandictionary.com has no fewer than NINE different variation on the definition. Turns out that my friend and I are both right 😉
• There is a website that actually allows you to perform your own virtual Courtesy Flush. Among other things, you can flush Saddam. (which is more than the current bozo president has been able to do!)
• Not only is there a courtesyflush.net and a courtesyflush.com (the latter allegedly offers a “real” product, although it truly seems like one of those bogus ads the local weekly paper runs.) HA! I said “runs”–get it?! (you might want to leave now–it can only get worse from here!)
• BUT I also found at least two blogs with “courtesy flush” in the title, and another “bathroom blog” that offers not only the philosophy behind the Courtesy Flush, but also directions on how to perform the maneuver correctly.

(mind you, I’ve barely gotten through two pages of the Google search at this point . . . )

• Then there’s these folks. Um, I don’t even know what to say about this, except that they truly have covered EVERY situation you could possibly imagine, and then some. this one’s not for the faint of heart, but it’s kind of like watching a family with sixteen (oops, no, seventeen) kids . . . it’s one of those “train wreck” situations where you just can’t seem to pull yourself away from it.
• Last, but certainly not least–this one is my favorite, if only because it made me laugh and laugh and laugh . . . I could especially relate to “safe havens” and “uncle Ted” . . . not to mention the “jailbreak” . . .

I just hope that Stuff White People Like doesn’t get wind of this phenomenon . . .

and seriously. the choice of words in that last sentence was completely accidental. kind of like a jailbreak . . .